The Quick Summary

Hi all -

Yes, I fell off the face of the blogging universe. Adoptive families know why many of the Vietnam blogs have gone silent; for the few friends/family members who we've shared this blog with, here's the deal.

Y'know the Bog of Eternal Stench (quick, name the 80's movie reference!)? Basically, that's the current state of VN adoptions. USCIS posted this horribly disturbing message, closely followed by this one. Result: as of now, adoptions will not be processed for anyone who does not have a referral by September 1.

Remember when you were a kid and everyone would get in trouble because of the one bratty boy who just wouldn't settle down? That's basically what's going on here. The vast majority of Vietnam adoptions are ethical, but a very small minority of agencies/adoption personnel are causing problems for everyone; instead of making the troublemakers get out of the sandbox, all adoptions are being stopped.

Making sure adoptions are ethical should, of course, be priority numero uno - that goes without saying. However, there are ways to ensure ethical adoptions without shutting down the entire adoption system between the two countries.

As you can imagine, this hasn't been easy news to swallow. There was one particular Saturday that certainly wasn't pretty around our house (I recommend splurging for the Kleenex with lotion. The integrity of your nasal passages is worth the extra forty cents.).

I've exhibited unusual behavior since the news. I've cried over nonsensical things (though I did really love those shoes before the heel broke). When I carried a huge purse to work the other day, a coworker said she loved my "baby stealing bag" (she said it was big enough to hide a kid). I spent several moments seriously contemplating how she knew I was adopting, and further, how she knew I had contemplated nabbing one of the random children always wandering the toy section at Ross unattended*.

So, at any rate - we're sad. And mad. We're getting better, though. Hubby and I are now back on the pray/research/talk/pray/eat ice cream/pray some more wagon. It is kind of bizarre, exciting, and intimidating to think that, as of this moment, we have no idea where in the world our little children will come from - we are now charged (once again) with choosing the path that will lead us to our little ones.

So thanks to everyone who's told us they are praying for us - that's exactly what we need right now. I'm hoping one path or another becomes the evident choice for us soon. Please also pray for the other adoptive families, the orphaned children, and the government officials who have the ability to work out a new agreement.



*Disclaimer: I would never really steal a child. If a really cute kiddo turns up missing in, say, the south OKC area, I had nothing to do with it.

Vietnam to Require DNA Testing?

The adoption groups are abuzz tonight. A memo describing new DNA testing requirements was posted on Bring Our Children Home. This site is legit, but they haven't shared their source yet, so I'm incredibly curious to see what comes of this.

If accurate (and legitimate - it is April Fools' Day, after all), the memo mandates that orphans and their birth families will have to undergo DNA testing - possibly twice - to confirm actual familial relations before an adoption can proceed. The memo itself is odd; it needs a lot of clarification and another proofread. For instance, it states that this testing will be required for abandoned children. I'm assuming they mean relinquished children, since abandoned children were, by definition, um... you know, abandoned. As in, left without contact information for their birth families. Makes giving them a blood test a bit tricky. The memo also refers to PAPs represented by attorneys instead of agencies, which is not currently an option for adopting from VN.

I don't know what all the potential ramifications are for PAPs (assuming VN adoption is allowed to continue). Obviously it would be yet another hurdle. I can't wait to hear my agency's take on this one.

I suppose it's possible that CIS is modeling this requirement after the DNA testing system in Guatemala adoption. I don't know a lot about those details, but I do know that the DNA testing causes major time delays in a lot of Guatemala adoptions. The Vietnam memo projects a one-month turnaround; I don't know that I fall for that, especially given the recent I-600 debacles.

Anyway. I'm off to watch The Biggest Loser. This is the first season we've watched it, and we're hooked. We were going to work out tonight, but Hubby's too sore from a kickboxing DVD we did last night (and he never trusted me that those were great workouts...). We're going to eat taco soup instead... and yes, I'm aware how contradictory those activities are. :)

Roller Coaster

Here's the quick summary of this post: blech!

That's not actually the first word that would come to mind, but my semi-rational side tells me that a string of expletives wouldn't be appropriate for an adoption blog. We received an update from our agency after I posted earlier. Looks like the MOU will, indeed, expire on September 1. I had been fairly confident that the countries would sign a new one - it just makes so much sense that they would - but neither government has actually stated that they are working on a new agreement.

Why, oh why, are the governments making this so difficult? Seriously. Perhaps I should mail my copy of "Getting to Yes Without Giving In" to the DIA, Vietnam government, or whoever else could negotiate us out of this mess. :( It's heartbreaking to think of the gazillion kiddos living in orphanages, while there are so many parents here who would give about anything for the chance to welcome one into their homes.

When we first started researching adoption, everything I read said it was a roller coaster. That's the most accurate metaphor I've ever heard. Let's all cross our fingers - and pray, pray, pray! - for some positive movement in Vietnam.

MOU update

Happy Monday everyone. I know my fellow Okies had a rough start to the week; our tornado sirens went off at 1:45 this morning. That's enough to get your heart racing. The tornado threat was on the other side of town. I stayed awake and watched the coverage for quite a while, but Hubby managed to doze off again even before the siren quit wailing. I only wish I could fall asleep like that boy!

Today is the last day the MOU could potentially be resigned. It's after 9 pm in VN now, so unless they're burning some midnight oil it looks like there will be a pause in adoptions after September 1 (we don't have official word from our agency yet, but I think it's a gimme). We aren't surprised - we've been expecting this - but hopefully it will be a very temporary suspension while everyone gets their ducks in a row. It appears that VN will continue processing adoptions for those families whose dossiers are in country by the cut-off date. We won't be far enough along to submit our dossier by then, but this is good news for many families. The good news for us is that we will continue to move up the list while those families receive their referrals, even if the country is technically closed during that time; therefore WHEN (positive thinking - note I said "when," not "if") Vietnam reopens we'll be further along.

Please pray for all of the children waiting in orphanages, and for their forever families who are so eager to bring them home.

Flu-Induced Ramblings

How sad - I've only blogged for a couple months and I'm already guilty of blog neglect.

CHI didn't have any referrals this week, but hopefully there will be several in March. Several families will be traveling this month. I still haven't come up with a cute waiting list countdown calendar idea yet. Maybe I'll hit Hobby Lobby this week.

No news related to the pending resigning of the MOU.

I've been home with the flu and a sinus infection since Tuesday. Today's the first day I feel normal-ish, other than a cough that feels like it originates in my toes.

I added a new skill to my repertoire while I was home. I spent a couple hours mastering the cup trick shown in the Happy Slip video below. That's an advanced stage of cabin fever, I believe.


I showed off my mad crazy rhythym skills when Hubby came home from work. I think he was more confused than impressed.

I also came across the blog of a single mom who has adopted... drumroll please... 39 children. Wha....? Yes, 39 children. Fascinating.

I'm sitting on the back porch typing this, and a storm's getting ready to roll in. The wind just picked up substantially. I wish it would blow my neighbor's windchimes straight to Oz. Yesterday it was mid-70s and beautiful. Now, a line of severe weather including hail and a tornado watch is headed this way. Tomorrow it's supposed to snow. Crazy Oklahoma weather!

Have I mentioned how ready I am for winter to pass and take all of its cooties with it?

Memorandum of Understanding

Chocolate Cherry Diet Dr. Pepper is my new obsession. I'm a bit panicked by the fact that it's a limited edition flavor. Perhaps I should stock up while my friendly neighborhood Wal-Mart has it in stock.

At any rate, I drank entirely too many today; it's late, I'm sick, and yet I'm wide awake. Bouncing off the walls, to tell you the truth.

I'll use a bit of my energy to post about the one topic I've been avoiding: the MOU, or Memorandum of Understanding. PAPs (prospective adoptive parents) visiting my blog know what issue I'm addressing, but I thought I'd bring my friends and family up to speed with a Cliff Notes version. It's a bit confusing; I'll see if I can be brief or not.

Vietnam requires a Memorandum of Understanding to be in place with any country that completes adoptions of its orphans. That once-innocuous little phrase has come to induce cringing in adoptive parents nationwide. The MOU is good for three years, and the current agreement expires in September 2008. The intent of the MOU is to ensure that ethical adoptions take place. As PAPs that is, of course, our biggest concern as well.

Over the last couple of months, the fact that the MOU may not be resigned in its current state has become a distinct possibility. Vietnam has not adhered to some of the conditions agreed to, such as publishing standard fees. Vietnam and the US are scheduled to announce their intention to resign the MOU in March 2008. So what could happen from here?

- VN and US agree to resign the MOU as it is. Adoptions continue without a hitch.
- VN and US renegotiate the MOU. The current agreement will expire in September, and the countries will work together to put a new agreement in place, hopefully quickly.
- VN and US could suspend adoptions even longer.

No one knows what will really happen.

Our agency does not feel like there will be a long suspension. They have also been told by the DIA that if the MOU is not resigned, parents whose dossiers (the final batch of paperwork) have already been sent to VN will be allowed to complete an adoption as planned. Since we will be so new to the list at that point, we may be able to stay on the list and not be affected, even if there is not a new agreement in place for as long as a year or so.

Why? We will be added to the list somewhere in the mid-200s. CHI completed 80 adoptions last year. At that rate, it will likely be a couple of years until we receive a referral. Vietnam is allowing CHI to have a total of 100 dossiers in the country. Therefore, say the MOU expires in September. CHI will already have the first 100 families on the list logged in to Vietnam, and will work through that list for the next year or so. Therefore, we would be moving up the list even if it took a year or more for a new MOU to be reached.

Everyone's on pins and needles waiting to see what will happen. For now, we are going to ENJOY finally being added to the list, evaluate our options, and make some plans for what we will do under different scenarios. I'm incredibly grateful to be working with CHI. They do such a great job of communicating the situation, answering my gazillion questions, and working on solutions.

Please pray for a quick agreement to be reached for the sake of the children and for the sanity of their parents-to-be. I have a feeling we're in for a crazy ride! :)